West Richland police parody Christmas tale, ask for help to I.D. package thief
WEST RICHLAND, Wash. — The West Richland Police Department asked for help Saturday to identify the “Grinches” who were caught on video stealing packages off a porch earlier in the week, crafting their plea to the public as a parody to T’was the Night Before Christmas.
“T’was the day before Wednesday, and all through the West
Package delivery was trying their best
In mailboxes and porches, packages were laid
These treasures were delivered, after having been paid.
The homeowners away, working like mad
With visions of presents soon to be had.
And Amazon sends word that your package received!
But your Ring Video Doorbell says you’re being deceived!
When up to the porch a young male, no a Grinch!
Takes off with your package, he doesn’t even flinch.
He’s nimble and quick, your typical porch pirate,
His face almost visible, though he’s trying to hide it
He runs to his chariot waiting in the street
And away the car drives, without missing a beat.
His getaway driver, no doubt a Grinch too,
And the sled was quite loud, Aha, that’s a clue!
4 wheels, 2 grinches and dreadful exhaust
We’ll find you somehow, no matter the cost
Darker paint, black rims? and 4 doors, perhaps
The nerve of these people, our backside it chaps.
To the porch pirate Grinches, we’re onto your games
And the citizens of West will soon spill your names.
Don’t come to West Richland and prey on our peeps
Because as you sow, so shall you reap.
This story wont end until we’ve sent you to court
For this is a crime, and not just some tort.
Come forward now, sprint walk or crawl,
Because currently your heart is two sizes too small.”
Officers are asking anyone with information about the case to contact non-emergency dispatch at 509-628-0333 and reference WRPD CASE 19-0565, or send the West Richland Police Department a message on Facebook.